rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
