I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
