did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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