You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
