his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
