He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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