Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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