you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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