How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
