They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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