im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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