She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
