I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
