everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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