I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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