It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
