I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
