Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
