I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
