Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
