I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My bed smells like the plague
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
