Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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