You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
