She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
