woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
