all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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