I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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