I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
