i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
