at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
