Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
a search helicopter?!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize