I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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