the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Enjoy the penises
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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