my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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