when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
