Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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