why didn't you poke me back
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
