My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
