My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
