I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
