we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
