dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
