Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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