well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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