thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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