Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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