Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Randomize
