It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We left an ass print on the piano.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
