I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
