Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i was born a porn star she said
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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