mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
