I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
