I feel great
I just peed on a car
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
