i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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