tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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