So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
