just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
