didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize