can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The adults are the big ones right?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
