talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize