sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize
