i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
