Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize