The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Two words: nipple clamps
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