So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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