His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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