You made me cry and you don't even care
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
